We’re about midseason in season 4 of the adorkable New Girl. There’s been a lot of progress and character development especially this season, but as we head towards season 5, I’ve got some burning questions about the series that need to be answered!
1. What is Coach’s last name?
In season 3, episode 11, “Clavado En Un Bar,” we discovered (finally) that Coach’s first name is Ernie.
I’m assuming this is a tribute to Ernie “Coach” Pantusso from the classic show, “Cheers,” but it just seems strange that we have Jessica Day, Nick Miller, Cecelia Parekh, Winson Bishop, Ernie “Coach” and...actually, that brings me to my next question.
2. What is Schmidt’s first name?
We know so much about Schmidt, probably too much, actually. We know that he loves mango “chut-ten-ney,” is a grade-A, 1st-class germophobe, would rather get a tetanus shot than attempt to repair damaged suede, only learned how to do his laundry in season 4, episode 8, and can “reach completion with some very precise and vigorous nipple play.” The catalog of factoids and TMI tidbits regarding our resident douchebag truly never ends. However, we don’t know his first name! We discover that Schmidt is his last name when his cousin comes to visit in season 2, but what is his first name?! Could it be so horrible that he has to go by his surname?
We know that Nick was once a type-A, plaid scarf wearing, hyper-studious law student, but he’s long since exchanged respectability for the “credit score of a homeless ghost” and a job as a bartender and as the world’s worst novelist ever (Z is for Zombie, anyone?). However, we discovered that Nick took (and passed!) the California bar exam in season 3. Given that California is one of the few states in which one may take the bar exam and be admitted as a lawyer without having graduated from law school, does this mean that Nick is considered a lawyer? California’s guidelines stipulate that a person who doesn’t attend law school must “read the law” by working with a law firm for a few years, but who knows if Nick actually did so or not? I must know!
4. In what world could Winston ever actually be a cop?
I’m sorry. But I just cannot buy Winnie the Bish in blue. Admitting him to the police force would be a catastrophe of the highest order. I mean, just look at him. Under what circumstances would hiring a man whose idea of a prank is smacking someone in the face with winter sports gear as a police officer be a good idea? I need to see some actual (successful) sleuthing before I can get behind this.
5. MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: What are the rules to True American?!?!
50% drinking game, 50% life-size Candy Land, 75 drinking, 20 Candy Land, and by the way the floor is molten lava, 90% drinking and a loose Candy Land-like structure sounds like my kind of game! The writers seem to be having a ball making it up as they go, but I just really need to know how this game works. For science.
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